While you were reading that rambling stream-of-consciousness post on Hagara and Zon’ozz, I probably neglected to mention that over here at Grandeur we had sorta been working on two bosses at the same time. Hagara, as you saw, fell last week, but we had been very close on Ultraxion the previous reset as well. And as the fight is a simple gear and stupidity check for the most part, he went down in short order this past Sunday. He went down hard, too. Sorta like my wife’s precious Packers.

I present to you the evidence:

As I referenced earlier, Ultraxion is rather simple. There are two mechanics to deal with of any note. Both are handled the same way. It is, in the parlance of the elite boys, a retard check. But in the midst of this retard check one has to consider the other, more epic, portion of the fight. That is this:

If you are DPS, you have to push your buttons really, really, really, really fast.

So in tribute to our DPS, I present to you this masterpiece.

Faceroll Master
(Sung to the tune of Pinball Wizard, performed by The Who, music and lyrics by Pete Townshend…edited lyrics by yours truly. If you’re interested in hearing the real song, it can be found below in a youtube embed.)

Ever since I was a young priest
I’ve played the healer role.
From Outland up to Northrend,
I’ve seen the damage scroll.
Well I ain’t seen nothin’ like him
In any raid instance hole.
That deaf dumb and blind derps
Sure does a mean faceroll.

Even on the hardest battle,
He can beat the best.
His disciples lead him in,
And faceroll does the rest.
He’s got crazy hotkey fingers
And a gamer’s soul.
That deaf dumb and blind derps
Sure does a mean faceroll.

The original song performed by The Who:

And while this fight certainly doesn’t make for the most exciting of videos, we have the work of Herat, our tank:

Teribleterry’s masterpiece is still forthcoming.

We’ll see you next time with details on how to book a pleasure cruise across the skies of Northrend courtesy of your buddy Deathwing.

EDIT: It took a bit, but here’s the latest from Teribleterry.

So we’re back again, and yes I’m running behind. I’ve been trapped without remorse by the mad masters at Bethesda in Skyrim during most of my non-WoW, non-heroic-research-and-planning-mode time. However, I had a few extra minutes this afternoon and I started to feel guilty. I know you crazy people…all four of you…await my crazed ramblings after each of our heroic kills. In fact, I suspect that you sit on the WowProgress Kilrogg page, furiously hitting F5 just so you can tab over to this blog whenever we get a kill for your latest fix.

(If, in fact, the above descriptor applies to any of you, you need to seek professional help.)

Anyway, I was feeling guilty for depriving you of my madness, so here we go!

Really. Dancing fights. Fights where you have to move in some sort of crazed pre-arranged series of exact moves to kill the boss. Hagara and Zon’ozz both fall into this category. These are the two trials that your friends at Grandeur have most recently endured. Let’s consider them a moment.

WARLORD ZON’OZZ

Zon’ozz is a nifty little fight on the surface…the surface being “normal mode” where you get to play Blizzard’s demented version of ping-pong with a ball of light that seems to go off in random directions without any provocation from you or the rest of your friends. (Speaking of which, both of these fights, Hagara and Zon’ozz, are buggy as all hell…quality control much Blizzard?) So you think to yourself, how bad could heroic be? You still get to play ping-pong and everything. Then you let the ball hit the boss and your screen looks something like this:

Think about that for a minute. Trapped in a closet playing Seven Minutes in Heaven with Alex Forrest. Scary. Scarier still if you’re a bunny.

But really, it’s not quite ALL dark. It’s more like being in a disco. Or at a rave with a homicidal maniac. And while all this stuff is going on around you and you basically can’t see shit except for your UI, you have to dance around the room to specific spots. Sorta like this:

Well, that’s not entirely accurate because the boss is there too. More like this:

Now that’s old school. Anyway, after many lessons and some tweaking of our dance moves, we were ready for prime time. The end product:

HAGARA

Going through this instance is like traveling back in time. With Zon’ozz, we went back to the seventies and did some disco. Then we got to Hagara. Hagara isn’t like disco. Hagara is more like….square dancing.

Go check out that link above the picture. In square dancing you get all these particular places you have to move to in exact time. And they’re even diagrammed on that page with little colored boxes and circles. Sort of like the Hagara lightning phase strategy we used:

The frost phase was equally entertaining, at least for our melee, where they ran around in a circle while the ranged and healers stood in the middle of Hagara’s frost bubble and laughed at them. Even the main phase was like a dance with all the crazy taunting and switching. Although with the number of times I heard Riptide scream in Mumble “I NEED A SWITCH!” I began to wonder if we were fighting a boss or participating in some sort of strange early 70′s partner swapping ritual where Tide’s car keys were being yanked out by some really hideous hag.

The end result was the same as with Zon’ozz though. We learned the right moves and danced our way to victory:

We’ll be back soon, hopefully Sunday, with perhaps the most boring kill post ever for Ultraxion. Ultraxion isn’t dancing on heroic. It’s more like watching one of those joystick jockeys play Defender back in the early 1980s.

Check out all the buttons on that bad boy and imagine how fast you have to hit them. That’s Ultraxion.

I leave you with a pair of videos from our Hagara kills, the first from our tank Herat, the second from our hunter Teribleterry. They’re sorta like watching Fatal Attraction. You might want to ignore the last few moments of the film.

No bunnies were harmed in the making of these videos.

See you soon, loyal readers.

Once again, my wife has demanded movie time, impacting my ability to do a timely kill post. To my loyal readers (reader?…there might be only one) I apologize, but enjoy this video of our kill from Teribleterry while you wait for my unique brand of humor to entertain and offend you once more.

So first thing’s first. As is my tendency, I once again forgot to get a kill shot of our most recently fallen enemy, Yor’sahj the Unsleeping. (BTW Blizzard, can you not just like call some mob Timothy or something? All this “unsleeping” shit drives my spellchecker batty.) However, in my never ending quest to keep you entertained, I do have a substitute for you at the end of this post. If you simply can’t stand the suspense, scroll down to the end and find out for yourself. I give you this profile of the fallen old one guy in life.

Additionally, lest you think I’m taking credit for our hard work where none is due since I forgot to get a kill shot, I offer you the achievement banner. You’ll just have to trust that I’m not rolling with one of those faker achievement mods since this is all I really got:

Now we all know that this fight has gotten a very popular nickname in the past several weeks. I’ll give you a hint:

Skittles seems likely. I mean after all, each of the little blobbies does look very similar to one of the delicious candy treats. But this set me to thinking….yes, again. I’m sure most of you have heard the old adage about having to eat all the green MnMs because they promote sexual endurance. (Which begs the question: given this urban legend, why did Pfizer not make Viagra the little green pill instead of the little blue pill? Perhaps so as not to confuse them with the equally potent green MnMs? Tinfoil hats please discuss.) Again I digress. This happens when you get old.

Anyway, what occurred to me is that perhaps you can tell something about a person from the type of skittle they prefer. You’d think there might be some online test for this like there is for what color of person you are in the card game Magic: The Gathering. So I set to work researching this, and I discovered that the conclusions have already been drawn deep in the secret labs of the great old ones. They know more about us than you might imagine, and they’re taunting us with that insight via Yor’sahj’s slimes and their skittley goodness.

So, what type of skittle are you?

THE BLUE SKITTLE:

BTW, if you’re wondering where in the fuck I managed to find blue skittles, witness:

So, if you’re a blue skittle person, it turns out that you’re into taking away everyone else’s fun and enjoyment. You suck the life…or mana…out of everyone around you like some emo goth chick cutter who can’t stand to see anyone else smile unless it’s at a Pomeranian’s funeral. If you like Blue Skittles, this is you:

Not a pretty sight. I hope things improve.

THE GREEN SKITTLE

Okay, so what if you’re a green skittle? Well, green skittles are like the mother superior at some Catholic girl’s high school where all the girls really want to act like these hussies:

But instead, old Mother Superior wanders around the halls with a ruler making sure everyone’s at least four yards apart. Like its cousin the blue skittle, the green skittle is once again all about impeding everyone’s fun. If you dig green skittles, this is you:

Damn, so far being a skittle sorta sucks. Maybe things will get better with our next option.

THE PURPLE SKITTLE

Or maybe not.

I’m pretty sure the great old ones would like to fill the world with purple, green, and blue skittles. Remember how green skittles don’t want anyone to touch? Well, purple skittles are sorta the same way. Purple skittles want to keep everyone alive, but only so long as everyone’s right at death’s door. However, research leads me to believe that perhaps purple skittle people are not that bad. Consider this:

That there is Death’s Door White Whiskey proves that while purple skittle people are into the whole “almost dead” thing, they still like to have a good time. And take heart my friends, not all skittles are downers. Things are getting better.

THE BLACK SKITTLE

What. The. Fuck. There’s no such thing as black skittles, you say!

WRONG! My guess is they’re seriously fuckin’ nasty, but there are indeed black skittles:

If you really need to try them by the way, it appears that black skittles can be found in bags of Chocolate Mix Skittles. This sounds to me like something you wouldn’t ever want to put in your body, sorta like arsenic, but hey…I don’t make the news, I just report it.

Moving on. So what type of person digs on Black Skittles? Well that’s easy. The black skittle guy likes to bring all his friends to the party. Having the black skittle guy show up is sorta like dealing with the flash mobs, except unlike our example below, Yor’sahj’s black skittles are sorta homicidal.

So yeah. That’s the “Miami Pillow Fight Day” flash mob. I mean, I dig on chicks in bikinis having pillow fights and all, but really? Do these people have nothing better to do? And what the fuck do we need an official Pillow Fight Day for?

THE RED SKITTLE

This is the best type of skittle yet. Red skittles like everyone to get really close together…to hump each other like rutting dogs in a puppy pile of uninhibited love. In short, if you’re into red skittles, you dig the orgies. It turns out that red skittle lovers have been around a long time. Check out this early 19th century love fest:

I have to admit that the invite there is sort of tasteful. “Pleasure Ball” And those people got started early. 1pm! They didn’t even have green MnMs back then, much less Viagra.

THE YELLOW SKITTLE

So that brings us to the most amusing skittle…the yellow skittle. Research suggests that yellow skittle people like to do everything at high speed. Double the red skittle orgies. Double the black skittle flash mobs. Double everything. In short, if you’re into the yellow skittles, you’re a speed freak tweaker like this little fella:

As you can see, the great old ones have a good deal of insight into our species. Grandeur has done it’s part by defeating their servant Yor’sahj, but our intel suggests that perhaps the old ones have already made inroads into our society. A replacement for the Unsleeping has already been recruited from amongst our own people. Be on the lookout for the dangerous skittles master seen here:

Edits with video love will be added as soon as they’re available. Until next time, fight the old ones and don’t eat skittles.

As promised, kill videos from Teribleterry, done in spite of it’s detraction from his SWTOR obsession:

As if you didn’t see this coming…

Okay, first of all, I want to apologize to my fellow raiders for my absence last night, the first available night of heroic raiding. As I said, I had a work-related dinner to attend to that I just couldn’t get out of. And now, in the spirit of the eighth step of twelve, I give you my confession. I actually wasn’t at a dinner last night. I had something infinitely more important to do. Witness:

The little tiger is just too much fun. Anyway. Onward.

Even in my absence, my beloved guildmates (No, not you Gano. You know that you and I are only physical.) managed to take down the first of our eight heroics in short order. Or would it be the first two of nine? I’m not sure because as most of you out there in WoW land know, Morchok calls for the aid of his faithful twin, Kohcrom, when challenged on heroic!

Naturally, this got me thinking. (But honestly, if you read this page a lot, you could ask “what doesn’t get Zest thinking?” It’s a scary thing to consider.) I started considering twins and how, by all reports, the Morchok encounter is relatively tame as heroics go. So perhaps Blizzard missed the boat here. Twins is a great idea. I mean, we all know it’s been done before, and in a very challenging form with Twin Emperors:

And later again with the even more entertaining Eredar Twins, they of the ledge sploit:

Both of these previous twin events were somewhat more challenging. So what could Blizzard have done better? I think I can come up with a few options:

How about these guys? You have to fight them while Tiki evades 75% of your attacks and Ronde randomly charges a member of your raid and lays him out until gnomish trainers come off the sidelines with smelling salts. This would put a debuff on you and if you get three stacks of smelling salts, the gnomes would bring THE CART. That would rule. Oh, and like all twins, they have to die at the same time. (Except the Eredar Twins who, for some reason, didn’t have to die at the same time. I never understood that.)

Another idea…

Clearly when you fought these two, there’d be a gum vendor around and every time the twins smiled saucily at a male toon, the male toon would have to go run over to the vendor and buy gum before they could attack or cast spells.

On second thought, this wouldn’t do much to our guild. Everyone in the guild’s a mangina except Gano and Herat so we’d just sub the two boys out and one shot the twins. (Wow. An unfortunate choice of words clearly when we speak of one-shotting the twins.) Moving on.

What about these two? One’s got an annoying whine that does AE damage to the entire raid and the other has a frontal vomit cone.

…

Oh yes, I went there. But can you imagine the DBM warning in the middle of your screen? “MARY-KATE PREPARES TO PURGE!” That would rule.

So my wife came in here while I was doing this post. I found most of these pics by searching google for “pictures of twins.” Naturally, this resulted in a vast field of pictures of scantily clad young ladies. My wife, however, being always alert, immediately focused in on this option and said “You have to post that for Venny.” So, thanks to my wife, here you go Venny:

Just my personal opinion, but I don’t think those two have much interest in anything the ladies have to offer. Note that we here at Grandeur are equal opportunity employers. Thus, I give you the balance to the option above:

But the real question is what would provide the best challenge for our raiding members and the World of Warcraft community at large? Which twins would be most devastating as an in-game raid encounter? Well, in our never-ending quest to bring you every answer to just these types of in-depth questions, I’ve managed to unearth the twin encounter that I’m sure would leave the vast majority of the WoW playerbase (to use some old AD&D parlance) “stunned, reeling, and unable to think.”

I give you the most devastating twin encounter possible:

Uh yeah…so kill shot and video stuff to follow. More posts in the near future. I’m….uh…afk a bit. *Mumbles something about nerdy lesbian twins*

Herat, our druid tank, provides this video of our Heroic Morchok kill for your entertainment.

Deathwing is here finally and we’re working steadily on norm….er…

In the time it took to type that, we reached 8/8 normal modes like every other guild in the world these first three days of Hour of Twilight. I’ll get back to you with a post about something heroic here sometime next week. Good hunting.

EDIT: Some videos for you to enjoy of our Madness kill, first from the perspective of Herat our bear tank and the latter by our usual videographer, Teribleterry. Note that Herat’s video contains the cut scene from the conclusion of the Madness fight, so if you’re purposefully avoiding that stop the vid once we get the kill achievement.

A little housekeeping. First, congratulations to Ashlynne who after being in the guild since 2004 FINALLY got a legendary.

And now, for my own strange personal accomplishment…

Wait for it.

WAIT FOR IT!

Time for all you people who made promises to shave your heads or dye your hair blonde to pony up. The million is complete.

Yeah, yeah. I know. I know. This post is over a week out of date. I can explain. See I got this message from one of my members that the site had a virus or something, so I started investigating.

Well, it turns out, if you thought the site had a virus, you were wrong. You’ve got one though somewhere on your machine. However, in the exchange I had to update quite a few of our website elements. (The entertaining thing about this is that the blog you’re reading…the one that I was told does a virus redirect..is the only thing that was actually up-to-date and secure! IRONY!) So for the past week, I’ve been learning a good deal more about phpbb and things like gallery than I ever wanted to know. The good news is, between the efforts of myself and Tanix, the message board is up to date! The bad news is, I got a delay of game penalty called on me.

So, you guys all get cheated. Instead of two kill posts, you only get one. This is the post of the double event!

As I’m sure all of you know, there were quite a few changes to the Firelands heroic raids. We’d been making steady progress, and then the nerfs came. And oh, Lordy, did they come. First we went to visit Beth’tilac who was, according to popular wisdom, the hardest pre-nerf heroic 10 encounter before Ragnaros. Well, here’s a graphic recipe of the fight for you.

Take one dose of

Add a measure of

Which results in

Leading directly to

We laughingly one-shot the hardest heroic in the zone post-nerf and we did it without having heroism or time warp in the raid. In the defense of the encounter, I will admit that we wiped on it three or four times this week, but it was still pretty darn easy compared to what it had been.

We then went to visit Baelroc, the other encounter we had yet to conquer. Baelroc comes in the form of a big huge giant.

Yes, even bigger than him, although the picture makes me think…wouldn’t it be cool to fight like a rampaging Hulk Hogan as a boss? I mean, think of the possibilities on Mumble. “Spread out! Hulkamania in 5!” Anyway…

He’s supposed to be really intimidating what with his flaming sword and his decimation blade, but that really isn’t the case. I managed to over complicate things by using the old “really hard heroic” strat for the first night when we should have been treating him like a normal mode boss. Which, eventually we did. We concluded that rather than being all tough and wicked, Baelroc is really closer to this fellow:

(I don’t know about y’all, but in my experience, that is the biggest fucking bunny I’ve ever seen. Someone is gonna see that picture on this site and pen a horror movie script and get rich. I’d like a cut of the gross, if that’s cool.)

Baelroc heroic is a stiff DPS check (not as stiff as it once was, but it’s still tight if you use three healers like we did to trivialize the healing portion of the fight.) He only really has one ability. It’s called something like countdown with tormented but what it really amounts to is…Baelroc gives out STDs with no penicillin.

Then you spread the STD through the raid if you’re retarded and you get too close to too many people like this guy:

Eventually, Tormented wears off…which is way different than an STD, as we all know from personal exper….er…from health class in high school. Yeah. That’s it. Health class. But wouldn’t it have been better if we’d had like an NPC cleric wandering around the raid causing ground spawns along these lines:

You get the virus from taking a crystal, which they could have changed to be either in the form of a hot lady in leather thigh high boots or a chippendale’s dancer (which might require you to consider toon gender when forming your raid! Even cooler!) Then you have to go pick up the cure from the cleric lest you turn into another statistic! Seriously. Blizzard should really put me on the encounter design team.

Either way, the end result was the same as with his buddy Beth’tilac:

So we’re six of seven. This probably means you won’t be seeing too many updates, but I will be adding a progress post in the next few days on heroic Ragnaros. Our stats so far? About 25 attempts with progress into stage 2. That world in flames thing though…that’s some rough action when you aren’t used to it moving around.

Our video documentarians would like to share their latest works with you. First our first effort from Taxin, our fearless leader. Unfortunately, YouTube doesn’t care for his choice in music and muted it for us.

Two more from Teribleterry here as well:

and

More soon. See you next time…

So as many of you might have imagined, when I do these posts I come up with an idea and then I go searching for humorous shit to throw at you guys in the hopes that someone out there will at least chuckle at my adolescent wit. Occasionally, it actually works. But in the course of my travels, I find some weird shit. I’m not sure whether this is because of the way search engines parse the stuff I enter or what, but consider this picture:

I got that from searching “airplane attacked by birds.” Now what in the fuck does Kristin Stewart wearing some strange polka-hearted wrap have to do with airplanes? And why, exactly, would the picture be adorned with that particular legend? I have No. Fucking. Idea. I tried to read the blog it came from to get some sense of the thing just because I was so intrigued by how google search drew the parallel, but it was some odd stream of consciousness shit. I couldn’t figure out if he was pissed at Kristen Stewart or desperately wanted to bed her down. Or maybe both. Or maybe it was a she. I don’t know, but it was strange. And I still don’t understand how airplanes fit in here.

Anyway, yes this is a kill post. After a week of work and concentration, we put paid to the fiery phoenix Alysrazor who is, I think, some strange corrupted manifestation of the green dragon Alysra or something. Apparently, this doesn’t fit with the lore because when trying to figure it out I found a host of angry posts from Blizzard fanbois who had memorized WoW’s backstory the way those crazy kids at the Scripps spelling bee memorize the origin of obscure greek words like adenomelablastoma. And no, I have no idea what that is. I found it on the internet and it sounded cool. I don’t make the news. I just report it!

(UPDATE: In my never ending quest to bring you all the information I can, I actually found a page describing adenomelablastoma. Let it not be said that my posts leave you wondering.)

It is, admittedly, an appropriate encounter. I drew several parallels with my other avian experiences while learning this fight. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know what this is:

My wife convinced me to download Angry Birds. Let me tell you friends and neighbors, this has greatly imperiled the continued existence of my shiny iPad. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve almost hurled the damn thing across the room in frustration when the stupid yellow bird saw fit to bang his little yellow turbo beak on some outcropping of stone, rendering my progress on that puzzle moot. The Alysrazor encounter is similar in design. You spend 8 minutes flawlessly executing the damnable thing then your tank clips a fire worm or your priest (ahem…me) gets stuck out of range for a split second or someone loses focus on the location of one of the 87 brushfires that are roaming the floor of the battlefield and poof! That’s when I say “Stand in the fire.” Fortunately, I can’t throw my PC against the wall.

So, frustrating birdies. Check. Then you consider the presence of the hatchlings which imprint on you. And these aren’t cute little hatchlings. They’re angry little hatchlings. However, I think Blizz sorta missed the boat on this one. I mean, think how much cooler the fight would be if you had to deal with these little babies throwing a tantrum.

It would be even better if they like emoted their love for their Mommy, Cerrus. Now THAT would have made for a cool screenshot. But, alas, no such creativity. I got stock skeleton birds trying to peck the eyes out of our tanks. The least they could have done was spruce up Aly’s little room somewhat.

Now here’s an even better idea. What if you didn’t have to kill the hatchlings, but charm them? Perhaps by using an appropriately themed dance:

Yes. That is Morris Day.
Yes. He is doing The Bird.
Yes. For those of you who weren’t born before 1990, this was one of those crazy 80′s dance crazes that inexplicably turned a completely mediocre collection of Prince groupies into momentarily famous musical artists.

So yeah, it would have been way cooler if you had to like dance the hatchlings to death or something, preferably with the accompanying music playing from the WoW soundtrack while you did it. Really, how much could it cost to license bad 80′s pop music? Now that would have been creative! I could foresee unintended consequences however, possibly ending with a blue post about the increased suicide rate amongst WoW players. And then, you have to wonder how you would nerf it? Would they have to tone it down to music by Sheila E?

But getting back to birds, I will again date myself by admitting that as soon as I saw the Alysrazor encounter, I couldn’t help but have this image pop into my head:

When I was a little kid, my mother sat me down in front of the television and said “Watch this movie. You’ll like it.” I think I was about five years old. That should probably tell you something both about my strange personality and my mother’s copious lack of parenting skills.

Did I mention that we lived on the west coast of San Francisco literally yards from the biggest collection of seagulls that I personally have ever seen or heard of? My little five year old ass was scared shitless for months that the seagulls were going to peck my ass to death if I went outside. So instead, I stayed inside and watched more terrifying movies that my mother put me in front of. It was a vicious cycle I tell you, a vicious cycle. The Birds did, however, have one redeeming feature. Tippi Hedren.

The lady couldn’t act for shit, but in her day, she was at least moderately hot. I guess you could say the same for Kristin Stewart (see how I come back to the beginning of the post! Life is like a wheel!) if you’re into the whole mumbling I-should-have-been-a-goth-but-instead-I-got-the-female-lead-role-in-Twilight-and-now-you-have-to-watch-my-fail-acting-for-the-next-decade sorta thing. She doesn’t really work for me. I still think they should have just cast Ashley Greene as the lead, who I am convinced has filmed a whole slew of low budget porn. I search the internet for it with unabashed fervor.

This is the point in the post where I would normally wrap things up and give you the money sho….er…kill shot that I took of our triumphant band standing around atop the corpse of our vanquished foe. But I was in a hurry to get some time in on heroic Beth’tilac, so all you get is this:

I’ll try to come up with a good screenshot of either a squashed spider or a fallen giant for our next installment. In the meantime, I leave you in the capable hands of our world-famous videographer, Teribleterry. See you soon.

Well, perhaps that’s the wrong word. We haven’t pissed a few people off, but we have, apparently, pissed off a great many kitties.

Grandeur took down Heroic Majordomo Staghelm last night utilizing the well-publicized 0-7-0-7 strat whereby you never really do much to his Domo-ness in scorpion form, reserving all of your anger and rage for repeated Cat form cycles. I thought this was a fine idea and, as you’ll see below, it resulted in a kill that, while definitely not clean, will most surely be easily repeatable. I went to bed with a smile on my face and songs in my heart, dreaming of avoiding nasty leaping domo-cat successfully all the night long.

Then 2:30AM rolled around, and the phone started ringing.

It really started with my little kitten walking across my face in a fit of pique and letting forth a loud MROW! Now usually said MROW! indicates that it’s time for breakfast, a meal which, if my kitten had his dithers, would come at progressively earlier hours every morning. So I did what I always do. I booted him out of the bedroom and went back to sleep. But then the phone calls started happening. Some of them were just heavy breathers, but when one managed to text “I’m gonna use your face for my scratching post you murdering bastard!” to my cell, I realized that this was going to be a problem.

I went to my email, thinking to draft a letter explaining our guild position to publish on our website, only to find that things had gone viral. The angry kitties even had t-shirts already.

(You don’t believe me about picking the picture because of the t-shirt do you? I didn’t think so. It’s all over your face.)

Anyway, then I made the mistake of checking my email. Things had reached a pretty nasty state.

This was followed by something which, at the very least, made me worry slightly less. Not all of the kitties were a threat, it seemed. Consider this protester:

So it seemed that some of the kitties were being angry just on principle. I could understand that. After all, I’ve been playing WoW with pissed off people for years, and some of them just genuinely like being pissed off. In fact, we had even made some fans along the way.

But for every fan, there were at least 20 guys like this little fella:

Finally, things reached a boiling point when the SPCA called me up to scold me about our victory. And then some chick from PETA who babbled about fur and her lack of implants rang on to tell me I’d be held responsible if the beautiful cat at the wheel of the white bronco was harmed in any way. I turned on CNN to find this beauty being broadcast:

I contacted the head of the Angry Kitties Against DomoCat Abuse (AKADCA) at their website. How they managed to form a non-profit organization dedicated to ridding the world of kitty abuse, both natural and virtual, in the four hours since we’d successfully downed Staghelm is beyond me, but I was desperate. After some negotiation, their leader agreed to a truce in exchange for some concessions on our part. The peaceful kitty is pictured below:

The AKADCA agreed to let us post our victory…

In exchange for their peace, we will fulfill our end of the bargain and dispatch their mortal enemy…

So much work to do, but at least I’ll be able to sleep tonight.

—————————————————————-

I’m sure many of our readers, or at least maybe 3 out of the 4 or 5 total who read this, wonder what my day in WoW might be like. Well, let me tell you, I get some very strange tells. I got this beauty the other night as we were discussing epic meltdowns such as those I have almost weekly in Mumble. I found out, much to my chagrin, that perhaps I don’t always have the desired effect:

I will, as always, try harder.

More video stylings from Teribleterry below. Enjoy everyone. See you next time.