May 5th, 2011

MST3K!

“What are we watching tonight? What manner of misery are we suffering through this evening? Not that I’m complaining, you know. I love watching these things!”

“Um. It’s called Revenge of the Mad Scientist. I dunno. Might be good. Has a bunch of people I’ve never heard of before.”

“Do we ever watch anything good?”

“You make a valid point. Shut up and press play.”

“Genius eh? Who is said genius?”

“Where’d I put the box? Here it is. ‘LORD VICTOR NEFARIUS presents REVENGE OF THE MAD SCIENTIST.’ Really? LORD Victor Nefarius? I gotta check this guy out on IMDB.”

“He might be knighted.”

“You might be good looking too, but you aren’t.”

“Hmmm…seems he did a lot of work back in 2005, then he sorta vanished. Worked a lot with some actress named Onyxia. What’s with the one word names anyway? Maybe she was his muse….”

“Obviously she wised up and went in a different direction. Professional Sanitation Engineer would be a step up.”

“HA! Oh check this out. The reason he hasn’t done anything in five years is…get this…he was killed, but brought back to life by the aspect of death so that he could complete his important work.”

“So you’re saying he was in rehab.”

“Well Duh.”

“He’s got a few fansites here. They compare him to Uwe Boll.”

“Now there’s a comparison every director dreams about.”

“You guys should be watching this. I think Uwe Boll might be better.”

“…”

“Who’s this guy in the corner with all the little guys chasing him?”

“Not sure of the character. The actor’s name is Cerrus.”

“I think we should search out the rest of this dude’s oeuvre. This is some good stuff. I mean, I haven’t had less of a clue as to what’s going on since we watched that Bollywood musical.”

“Which oeuvre? Cerrus’ or the director’s?”

“Well, both I guess. I mean this dude Cerrus was in The Facts of Life 2: Tootie’s Revenge. That’s gotta be worth watching.”

“Who’s the love interest? She’s sorta hot.”

“Mmmm…some russian chick. Venestia. WHAT IS WITH THE ONE WORD NAMES IN THIS FILM! Are these people all prima donnas?”

“I dunno, but she is sorta hot. But help me out. Why is she a tree?”

“I’m sure it fits with the plot.”

“There’s a plot?”

“Yet another valid point.”

“And the vicious villain is vanquished, the universe is saved, and all is right with our heroes once again!”

“I wanna kiss the chick. She’s hot.”

“She’s still a tree.”

“POOPIE!”

“Why are they rolling? Rolling what? Did it suddenly become a gangsta movie?”

“More to the point, why are they so bad at it?”

“That was neat. We should watch the sequel.”

“There’s a sequel?”

“Yeah. I guess this guy Nefarian doesn’t like numbered sequels though. This next thing is called Double Dragon: The Attack of Valiona and Theralion.”

“Does all that fit on the box?”

“And does he know that Double Dragon was a video game?”

“Who cares, pop that shit in…”

(If you too would like to experience the beauty of Lord Victor Nefarian’s masterpiece, Revenge of the Mad Scientist, you can delve into it below with a single click. Kudos to the editor of the piece, Teribleterry.)

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