May 26th, 2011

I’m tellin’ ya, they’re all inbred…

Honest to God. I was sitting here and thinking late yesterday, after Theralion and Valiona went gently into that good night, as it were. Has anyone else noticed that dealing with the dragons in World of Warcraft is like trying to navigate the family tree of a backwoods Kentucky shit-kicker clan? Consider these two and how they bicker as soon as you walk in the room.

Dig the spelling of “favoured.” Apparently, they’re English dragons. Very highbrow Blizz. It would be cool if they wanted to have tea.

You don’t fight that much without some sexual tension. I mean, just listen to the two of them. They’re called the twilight flight and the female of the pair is constantly screaming “ENTER TWILIGHT!” I’m telling you guys, she’s screaming at Theralion, not us. If you have any doubts, lemme give you the reference manual for this topic. Read this, then get back to the rest of the post.

I mean, the only one who’s clean is Nozdormu, and who knows what his bronzeness does in terms of exploiting the space-time continuum. He could be jetting off to the War of the Ancients to score with some of his ancestral bronze dragon trim the way we jet off to Vegas. But hey, what happens in the war with the Burning Legion stays in the war with the Burning Legion.

Of course, if my understanding of the whole aspect thing is right, then Nozdormu is like the father of all the bronze dragons. So if he were jetting off to get some, he’d be diddling his daughter…probably his dead daughter if he went far enough back in time. So he’d be a pedophile AND a necrophiliac in the exchange. See what I mean? The whole damn thing is confusing.

I know just how to handle this.

We in the grand old U. S. of A. have an icon available to sort out just these sorts of sordid issues.

JER-RY! JER-RY!

Springer could turn this into a full show no problem. I mean, if you’re gonna do a show that uses topics like “Mississippi Cornholers and Their Custom Ford Pick-Ups,” what’s a little dragon incest? I even went so far as to make a nice graphic for Jerry to use for the intro. He could fit it right across the bottom of the screen

I’m sure this would pull in massive ratings for Springer. Americans love the dirt. Plus, if these two bicker the way they do when faced with the threat of stalwart adventurers bent on their destruction, think of how bad it would be on stage with their seedy behavior laid bare for all to see. Fortunately, at Springer, Jerry always has the muscle standing by to keep things calm.

Is it just me or does that guy on the right look like a young Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson with hair?

Jerry could turn this into a theme. Maybe do the forbidden love show. It’s not as if you don’t see it elsewhere.

(As a parenthetical aside, in doing these posts, I have learned one thing. You really can find EVERYTHING on the internet. I searched “forbidden love pictures” and got 2.9 million images. Many of the returns were not fit for consumption even by the jaded readers of this board. God bless Facebook. Thank you, Mr. Zuckerberg. Now back to your regularly scheduled rambling.)

We’d have to be careful involving Springer though. The guy has a tendency to take things a bit far. Check it out:

Montel Williams could probably do a very sensitive episode of his show concerning Jerry’s…ahem…predilections. I mean, anyone who would put THAT outfit on has to have some serious issues. And just think, the good citizens of Cincinnati, Ohio, elected this guy mayor of their fine city. They thought the Bengals were their greatest claim to shame? I would disagree.

Alas, as with most forbidden loves, the two dirty dragon lovers have come to a bad end. We at Grandeur saw to it in fine fashion. Witness.

But their love persists even in death…

“A glooming peace, this morning with it brings;
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
Some shall be pardon’d, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.”

–Romeo and Juliet
–Act V, Scene III

From all of us, a special thanks to Almaix for gearing up his rogue in short order to make the fight that much easier on us. We thank you for the hard work and the sacrifice of playing the rogue instead of your main. And, as usual, from the brilliant mind of Teribleterry comes yet another video offering. Kudos and thanks again, Terry.

Comments are closed.