January 17th, 2012

And now for something completely different

While you were reading that rambling stream-of-consciousness post on Hagara and Zon’ozz, I probably neglected to mention that over here at Grandeur we had sorta been working on two bosses at the same time. Hagara, as you saw, fell last week, but we had been very close on Ultraxion the previous reset as well. And as the fight is a simple gear and stupidity check for the most part, he went down in short order this past Sunday. He went down hard, too. Sorta like my wife’s precious Packers.

I present to you the evidence:

As I referenced earlier, Ultraxion is rather simple. There are two mechanics to deal with of any note. Both are handled the same way. It is, in the parlance of the elite boys, a retard check. But in the midst of this retard check one has to consider the other, more epic, portion of the fight. That is this:

If you are DPS, you have to push your buttons really, really, really, really fast.

So in tribute to our DPS, I present to you this masterpiece.

Faceroll Master
(Sung to the tune of Pinball Wizard, performed by The Who, music and lyrics by Pete Townshend…edited lyrics by yours truly. If you’re interested in hearing the real song, it can be found below in a youtube embed.)

Ever since I was a young priest
I’ve played the healer role.
From Outland up to Northrend,
I’ve seen the damage scroll.
Well I ain’t seen nothin’ like him
In any raid instance hole.
That deaf dumb and blind derps
Sure does a mean faceroll.

He sits at his keyboard,
Becomes part of the machine,
Feelin’ all the hotkeys,
Senses GCD,
Plays by intuition
With perfect self-control.
That deaf dumb and blind derps
Sure does a mean faceroll.

He’s a faceroll master.
The skada meters twist.
A faceroll master
Makes every ranking list.

How do you think he does it? I don’t know.
What makes him so good?

Ain’t got no distractions,
Can’t hear the raid leader yell,
Don’t seen no warnings flashin’,
Plays by sense of smell,
Always tops the meters
On remote control.
That deaf dumb and blind derps
Sure does a mean faceroll.

I thought raids were
About your paladins,
But mobs just give up
When he types out “I win.”

Even on the hardest battle,
He can beat the best.
His disciples lead him in,
And faceroll does the rest.
He’s got crazy hotkey fingers
And a gamer’s soul.
That deaf dumb and blind derps
Sure does a mean faceroll.

The original song performed by The Who:

And while this fight certainly doesn’t make for the most exciting of videos, we have the work of Herat, our tank:

Teribleterry’s masterpiece is still forthcoming.

We’ll see you next time with details on how to book a pleasure cruise across the skies of Northrend courtesy of your buddy Deathwing.

EDIT: It took a bit, but here’s the latest from Teribleterry.

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