March 22nd, 2012

Oh my achin’ back!

One quiet afternoon in Theramore…

“Ahem. Well that’s very interesting, sir, but you’ve reached the offices of Dragon Chiropractic. If you’d like to make an appointment, I’d be happy to help you. However, if you were looking for the offices for Cataclysm Injuries and Associated Maimings, I can transfer you.”

“Oh. Uh. Sorry, no. That whole spiel is in my contract. I have to give it every time I talk to someone new. You understand.”

“Of course, sir. How may I help you today?”

“Dr. Proudmoore had a cancellation at 2:30 this afternoon if that would be convenient? Some red dragon was supposed to come in, but they were incinerated last night.”

“Oh. Right. I remember her. Wonderful wings. Er. Apologies. 2:30 would be fabulous. I just have to strafe a few farms outside Stormwind and drop a fireball on this Tauren village west of Thunder Bluff and I’ll be right over!”

“We’ll see you then.”

(About ninety minutes and 147 dead innocent bystanders later…)

(As an aside, I would totally have back problems like…weekly.)

“Good afternoon Mr. Deathwing. What seems to be the problem?”

“Why am I trying to kill all the humanoids again? Cuz you’re HOT. Oh crap. Wait. Sorry. First thing’s first.”

“Excellent, Mr. Deathwing. Now that we have that out of the way, why don’t you tell me what the problem is.”

“Well, Doctor. My back is killing me. I seem to have these growths or something like stuff is sticking through the skin. I thought maybe you could help me.”

(Dr. Proudmoore inspects things.)

“Just relax and breathe out, Mr. Deathwing.”

CRACK! POP!

SHIVVLE!

“There, that should take care of things for now. In the meantime, I think you should take this with you and read it over. The pamphlet will tell you how to avoid having these problems in the future. In particular, pay attention to the things to avoid on page 11.”

Page 11:

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Ah, the wonders of modern medicine! Unfortunately for Deathwing, we finally did manage to punch through his stomach and rip out his spine. I provide you with video chronicles of the event below from Teribleterry and Herat respectively. We’ll be back soon with the last in our series of cataclysm posts before we wander off towards the Mists of Pandaland.

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